theoisjonesing:holleewoodworld:

A Valentine for Gretchen Weiners

Roses are often ruby red, violets are fantastic. Your dad invented Toaster Strudel which makes you our favorite Plastic.

You can’t help that you’re popular. You vibe on being rich. And nothing quite says “feminism” like your sculpted bare midriff.

Still you got no love from Santa, not a single candy cane. But we love you irregardless, despite your phallic name.

Regina may be a crazy bitch, and Cady may think she’s a catch. But Karen’s just a stupid whore…

And girlfriend, you’re SO fetch.