The last of a dying breed.
There have been many rumors about just who would be joining Danny Trejo in the feature version of the fake Grindhouse trailer Machete, but the rumor mill ends today as Variety has confirmed Robert De Niro, Jessica Alba, Michelle Rodriguez, Steven Seagal, Lindsay Lohan, Cheech Marin, Don Johnson and Jeff Fahey have all landed supporting roles.
Most of the names go hand in hand with the rumors. Jonah Hill seems to be the only name not mentioned that was said to be up for a role.
Machete centers on an ex-Federale (Trejo) who, after being betrayed by the organization who hired him, launches a brutal rampage of revenge against his former boss. It’s still unclear who everyone will play, expect for De Niro, who is expected to play an evil senator.
Robert Rodriguez penned the screenplay and is co-directing with Ethan Maniquis, who edited Rodriguez’s Planet Terror and the upcoming family adventure film Shorts. The project marks Maniquis’ directorial debut.
We’re really excited about Michelle Rodriguez being in Machete because a) we’re hot for her lesbo-bod b) she look fucking HOT in the movie and b) EYE PATCH SEXI.
Anyone who knows me knows of my hardon for exploitation movies, Michelle Rodriguez and eye patches. This movie may be the greatest thing ever made.
Fact: Lindsay Lohan’s role in ‘Machete’ will be her career defining role
Soon After which she will OD from some bad cocaine, and will be noted in the history books as “The Next Big Thing” that never was. Then America will finally except the fact Emma Stone is Lindsay Lohan but with true acting prowess (and you know… not a coke fiend).